A general poll - for chicks mostly

[jeanvieve]

Okay gals. This is a litmus test of a concept I mulled over for years. It was sourced in things like my mother always being the one to flush the goldfish, hold us when we sobbed over the dead cats, our first school day crushes that were crushed in turn by life and circumstances. And perhaps it is a stereotype, of woman the caregiver.

It deals with generalities. I expect you all will know shining exceptions to the rule, stay home daddies etc. But:

Do you, in your heart and mind and based on experiences you personally have, believe that men as a general rule are emotional cowards?

Not physical, not how well they dare to face bombs and bullets and will race to the building to pull out the screaming baby. I have nothing but deep respect and admiration for the bravery of the male race, when it is their life on the line.

But when it is their feelings? Or the feelings/tears of others?

Lay it on me. Have men grown bold and modern, capable of dealing with death and pain and sorrow while I wasn't looking? I wait upon your words to determine if I should review my convictions.

Comments

speculation

[seussgirl27.livejournal.com]

I will chance the inserted foot here and say, in the general sense, men have always been emotional creatures. The mystery of exposure, is where women are muddled by confusing actions, verbal rantings, and silent trances.

Men are conditioned to process death, pain, sorrow by extrinsic factors much more than women. They react appropriately when challenged by war, loss of a loved one, exploration of concepts foreign to their beliefs. Although they feel emotions in all circumstances, don't men tend to need to solve a problem? How can I fix this?

Women tend to find intrinsic views and values to express our deepest struggles, in turn triggered by external cues. We just need someone to listen, to commiserate, to understand and comfort without proposing any solutions. Just let us feel!

Ever felt like breaking into a fit of rage or felt like you might become a sobbing banshee over your man, who for the first time EVER has decided to let the exterior break a wee bit and shed a tear? We need them "strong" moreso than we need them "showing" emotion. The big lugs are not unemotional, just inept at coping with our reactions when they do give us a shred of evidence to the former.

In terms of a one sided love-affair...

If we label a man "emotionally unavailable" for example, I think it's more our inability to accept their station. If they cannot give what WE want, need, desire...it's not that they are incapable, rather we are not the one aligned to receive their affection. Not to say we won't ever be, but they have to see it in themselves, first.

I subscribe to the "emotionally unavailable" club when men or women appear clueless in my attentions or intentions, because it's easier for me to cope with the emotions it forces upon me. Who wants to feel rejected when what you're offering is unconditional love, commitment, friendship,(insert whatever fits).

However, not being a man, I can only assume what really happens when emotions get involved. As a woman I try to listen to intuition and let life experience help with the rest.

Re: speculation

[jeanvieve.livejournal.com]

Weirdly I've known more than one guy that was perfectly capable of bursting into tears. Only those that did so did it a LOT. Like, broken in the other direction.

And yet, those that cried were all still focused inward. Confronted with the grief and pain of others, they still ran away at least mentally.