People like me. A rant.

[jeanvieve]

When you hear a phrase over and over again, it starts to ring little bells in your head whenever it goes off. The bells in my belfry are ringing. So here's a small rant about "People like me".

You're all people like me. We are all of us capable of judging, of thinking for ourselves, of making decisions for ourselves. We are all capable of embracing or eschewing whatever it is that we choose to embrace or push away. We are all crazy. We are all sane. We are all capable of being both within the space of the same sentence.

We choose who we want to be. We choose what we want to feel and do and how we want to react. There is not one human being on this planet outside of a straightjacket that is not CAPABLE of changing anything they dislike about how they think, or how they act, how they feel. I believe that in all of you, even when you do not believe it of yourselves.

People with disabilities prove this all the time. I've worked with people with severe brain injuries. They work hard to overcome their limitations. Many can. Some cannot, but learn to deal and play the hand they're given.

So you're all not crazy. And I DO NOT EVER EVER THINK YOU'RE CRAZY! Yes, that's me yelling in my head at the computer screen. I wish with the force of a thousand stars that no one would ever worry about what I'm thinking and feeling about what's going on in their head. I have enough to deal with going on in my own head. Frankly you do too, all of you. Deal with what's in there, and just don't worry yourself about anyone else's head. They say chicks over forty won't ever ask what you're thinking, and it's true. We don't care. We really, really don't. We care how you act, and whether you seem to be damaging yourself over time.

Individually, and this is directed outward at every single person I know, I disagree with one or another choice you have made. Yup, there it is. I would not choose the same. Now, was that so bad? Take a deep breath.

I also, and here's the fun part, agree with one choice or another that every single human on this planet has made for themselves. Especially the ones about taking care of themselves, figuring themselves out, and going forward as the splendid, bright and shiny people that I know you all are inside.

I've walked around inside a psych ward, twice. I've seen the sad and unfortunate instance where the machine has gone wrong, and I quietly prayed for each one of them for enough of an adjustment that they could function again in a good place in the world. Just like I say a few words in my head everytime the ambulance goes by. It's reflexive, and if my tiny little happy waves mean a darned thing, I'd be glad.

People like me have faith in mankind. People like me think that every human being is wonderful, wanted, and useful in some way. People like me want only the best for everyone, and cheer quietly to ourselves when that seems to be going on. People like me are sad when we see people hitting their heads into the same walls over and over, but get resigned to the notion that we cannot remove all the walls, or convince all the people not to go wall seeking. We do not think less of the head butt-ers. We love them. And if those people say to us that they get a kick out of butting heads against walls, we'll have a sip of Belle de Brillet and toast their joy and not worry one little bit about them. Cause that's not our job.

People like us are too busy trying to live our own lives with our internal criteria of success, and weighing whether we're measuring up. We don't measure other people against our criteria because they're not us. They have their own paths. We weigh their success in terms of their happiness. Cause that's how we weigh our own.

So. Are y'all happy?

Comments

Every mans death diminishes me.

[learnteach.livejournal.com]

Every birth hands me hope. I see in the eyes of a child a joy unparalleled; in the eyes of an old dancer a joy untrammelled.

I have seen you disagree strongly, and move on. I have seen you forgive. I have seen you react, and support.

But you...you are not like me. You are better than me. I have seen it and try to be it.

In my head, though, I see all the problems I have sooo strongly. I think we all do.

Good rant.

[answers-within.livejournal.com]

I think I get the feeling of what you're saying here, and it's lovely and joyful and hopeful. Ultimately, I think what you're saying about "just don't worry yourself about anyone else's head" is something like, "Don't be judgmental, codependent, or attempting to control other people's behavior".

I agree with that 100%, in such a way as I would run out of eleventy-ones if I really tried to give it enough emphasis.

However, that's not the only reason people care about what goes on in other people's heads. :-)

I am, apparently, one of the exceptions to the idea that "chicks over forty won't ever ask you what you're thinking", because I'm genuinely interested in how and why pretty much *everyone* thinks. I find the idea of truly not caring about what other people think to be beyond horrifying into basically incomprehensible, so I have to imagine that you don't mean it quite the way it sounds to me. I see your point about caring how people act, but understanding (as best it's possible to do) the thinking/feeling/perceiving that underlies people's actions is far more interesting, rewarding, and usually helpful, than just looking at their behavior. At least for me it is. In the end, I unequivocally agree that behavior shows what we *really* want, what we *really* choose, what we *really* believe, but the perceptual framework underneath that behavior is the really juicy part. Aside from anything else, seeing how much alignment there is between someone's perceptual framework and his or her actions is immensely interesting to me, and seems to correlate to the person's degree of contentment, self-awareness, and value set.

I think the difference is that my interest in other people's internal workings doesn't come out of a need to judge or control. I have all the interest in the world about how people think, and in turn how they act, but zero interest in trying to determine whether it's right/wrong/good/bad, or trying to change it. Learning to let go of that did take me awhile, since I am the kind of person who's always been interested in the internal workings of others' psyches, but I did figure it out and we're all a lot happier now. :-)

I felt like it was worth adding this perspective to your excellent points, and based on both your words and mine, I would have to say I'm really remarkably happy. :-) I'm glad to know that in all the ways that really matter I'm "people like you".

[jeanvieve.livejournal.com]

Oh, I don't really need to ask what most people are thinking. It nearly always comes out of their mouth, or out of their actions. Maybe I do pay attention, and I try to consider carefully what people are doing. I took a freak of a lot of psych back in college, and enjoyed interrogation classes as part of forensics work.

So you're right. I'm interested in what and how people think. I find it curious to review the differences between how people think and how they act, and unearth the motivations that bridge that gap. The wider the gap, the more complicated sometimes the motivations. Motivating adults is really fun, and there have been many highly interesting studies on how to go about it. (If you have not watched this video/listened to this lecture, I recommend it. It's a lot of truth: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u6XAPnuFjJc)

Another part of what I was not saying clearly is that everyone judges. It's funny to me how people that FEEL judged do a lot of judging themselves. Else People Like Us would not have our own category, eh? People Like X is a judgement in and of itself, a condemnation, a negative pushing away and almost blind rejection.

Which makes one sad.