Done is done
Sep. 1st, 2008 02:24 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
jeanvieveWell, the boy is gone. Terrified, he posed for the last few pictures with me and Mom down at the recruiter's station before they politely ushered us out the door. They didn't QUITE say "Get out! We'll take it from here!" but it was close.
Mom's a touch nostalgic/emotional/depressed. She has never been in a position where she's not taking care of someone else in her entire adult life. Two kids, two grandkids, her father, her aunt, various street people she's picked out of gutters and put back on their feet. From her and this afternoon I've had reaffirmed that it's one thing to say you want more time and space to do art, follow your own dreams, but to get everything you asked for at once can be daunting. What do you do when there are no more excuses?
It's a strange thing. I peg the independence meter, and I know it's because of the encouragement of my mother and grandmother. They've always been so proud that I don't need anything or anyone to succeed and be content. So when I look back and realize that it's something they never had I feel a little adrift and.. pity? I know that part of the reason I hesitated about kids even when I wanted them was that both of the strong women in my life gave up so much to have them. I've gotten to do the things they always wanted to.
So now it's my turn I guess to teach Mom to be like me a little more, and find out who she is and what she loves to do when she has all the time in the world. We still have four footed dependents, after all, for the nurturing needs. We've decided another 20 lbs by New Years, as a general guideline for one common goal. (I expect our food bill to cut in half without the boy.) More dancing. More music. More work on the house.
Mom's a touch nostalgic/emotional/depressed. She has never been in a position where she's not taking care of someone else in her entire adult life. Two kids, two grandkids, her father, her aunt, various street people she's picked out of gutters and put back on their feet. From her and this afternoon I've had reaffirmed that it's one thing to say you want more time and space to do art, follow your own dreams, but to get everything you asked for at once can be daunting. What do you do when there are no more excuses?
It's a strange thing. I peg the independence meter, and I know it's because of the encouragement of my mother and grandmother. They've always been so proud that I don't need anything or anyone to succeed and be content. So when I look back and realize that it's something they never had I feel a little adrift and.. pity? I know that part of the reason I hesitated about kids even when I wanted them was that both of the strong women in my life gave up so much to have them. I've gotten to do the things they always wanted to.
So now it's my turn I guess to teach Mom to be like me a little more, and find out who she is and what she loves to do when she has all the time in the world. We still have four footed dependents, after all, for the nurturing needs. We've decided another 20 lbs by New Years, as a general guideline for one common goal. (I expect our food bill to cut in half without the boy.) More dancing. More music. More work on the house.
