Relationships, in general
Oct. 11th, 2005 02:39 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
jeanvieveIgnoring all the complexities of the relationships one forges with one's family for now, been thinking about the different sort of relationships with friends, lovers, acquaintances, searching out the commonalities. What is it that makes you know in a moment whether someone is a friend or foe. And, not so casually, wondering if this is something women recognize quicker than men, in that odd reading more body language sort of way.
I have known nearly all of my friends in an instant. Something of smell or touch or sound, or even laughter that sparked a glow of acceptance, of recognition that this person was special, and would be special no matter time or distance. Though love and acceptance are not always unqualified, at least after one's eyes are open and clear, they do not really falter unless that person changes in some chemical way. I say chemical, because I do think its a chemical reaction. I loved a man once, and the mere smell of him would send me into an ecstasy of lust. But he broke my heart, and upon the next face to face he newly stank of cigarette reather than the sex he once wielded over me. It was a relief, and non praying me sent up a silent prayer of thanks. I have met groups that were already friends, fast friends, and known which of them will be special to me and which merely friendly acquaintances. Recognition that some will never really let you within the walls of their minds and heart.
There's the balance. The instant recognition that, once again, one is not alone. That there is someone special and sacred that has entered your circle, to be cherished. The knowledge that one gives this person, this being the freedom to roam the inner towers of your thought and heart, at least until they hurt you in enough ways that you realize with reluctance they must be moved out of the very inner circle. That they are not part of the inner you, but only the outer you, though the doors are not forever locked.
From chatting up more than a couple male friends, I think this really is part of that fundamental girl/guy difference things. Girls know, or decide as it were, in a particular instant whether they wish to lie with a man or not. Or would be willing under circumstances. That we want to know this person so much better, to talk in the wee hours of the night and learn the whispers in their hearts. We just know that we want this stranger to understand and accept us, as we have already done. The menfolk I've talked to say it is not so quick. That yes, they can desire something pretty of form for a moment, and sure, touch it. But all in the outer grounds. The girl doesn't get into their inner sanctums so quickly. They fall slower into love, but perhaps harder when they fall. Making more excuses, covering more hurt and pain until they in turn reluctantly turn the girl out of the inner walls once more.
I'm really glad I'm not a guy. It must be terribly lonely for them, exhausting to have to go through such a strenuous set of doors and locks to let a girl in. Then, after all that trouble, to find that they don't in time want her in - yes, no wonder when they're young few look for attachment or connection in that way. I think its easier to usher someone out than to invite them in. Especially if you're shy. Though don't tell anyone I still am.
Not that anyone would believe it. I've got the act down pat now.
But then, for the gents I know that are wiser in years and experience, who have ushered girls in and out of their lives in that painful way, I think they're the bravest who still want to try. Who go looking.
I have known nearly all of my friends in an instant. Something of smell or touch or sound, or even laughter that sparked a glow of acceptance, of recognition that this person was special, and would be special no matter time or distance. Though love and acceptance are not always unqualified, at least after one's eyes are open and clear, they do not really falter unless that person changes in some chemical way. I say chemical, because I do think its a chemical reaction. I loved a man once, and the mere smell of him would send me into an ecstasy of lust. But he broke my heart, and upon the next face to face he newly stank of cigarette reather than the sex he once wielded over me. It was a relief, and non praying me sent up a silent prayer of thanks. I have met groups that were already friends, fast friends, and known which of them will be special to me and which merely friendly acquaintances. Recognition that some will never really let you within the walls of their minds and heart.
There's the balance. The instant recognition that, once again, one is not alone. That there is someone special and sacred that has entered your circle, to be cherished. The knowledge that one gives this person, this being the freedom to roam the inner towers of your thought and heart, at least until they hurt you in enough ways that you realize with reluctance they must be moved out of the very inner circle. That they are not part of the inner you, but only the outer you, though the doors are not forever locked.
From chatting up more than a couple male friends, I think this really is part of that fundamental girl/guy difference things. Girls know, or decide as it were, in a particular instant whether they wish to lie with a man or not. Or would be willing under circumstances. That we want to know this person so much better, to talk in the wee hours of the night and learn the whispers in their hearts. We just know that we want this stranger to understand and accept us, as we have already done. The menfolk I've talked to say it is not so quick. That yes, they can desire something pretty of form for a moment, and sure, touch it. But all in the outer grounds. The girl doesn't get into their inner sanctums so quickly. They fall slower into love, but perhaps harder when they fall. Making more excuses, covering more hurt and pain until they in turn reluctantly turn the girl out of the inner walls once more.
I'm really glad I'm not a guy. It must be terribly lonely for them, exhausting to have to go through such a strenuous set of doors and locks to let a girl in. Then, after all that trouble, to find that they don't in time want her in - yes, no wonder when they're young few look for attachment or connection in that way. I think its easier to usher someone out than to invite them in. Especially if you're shy. Though don't tell anyone I still am.
Not that anyone would believe it. I've got the act down pat now.
But then, for the gents I know that are wiser in years and experience, who have ushered girls in and out of their lives in that painful way, I think they're the bravest who still want to try. Who go looking.
Hmmmm
Date: 2005-11-10 06:51 pm (UTC)I am not sad I am a guy. Some gents let their true selves shine freely 24x7. It's those who have but one door and it's made of straw... easily pushed open by the soft breeze of hope and allowing all to come into their lives. Sadly, the others you speak of, and there numbers are many, continue to block the sun under a canopy of clouds. This caused by their own hands and a result of owning a porous heart. Allowing nothing to stick. Afraid of their brazen peers who would defrock them if they show some emotion. These poor gents cower at mere friendship. They are the true ugly lot they play... and should be cast off at once. On the other side of the wall you have up, there are many straw doors. Procure yourself a ladder and come take a glimpse. You mentioned you can tell in one glance.
Re: Hmmmm
Date: 2005-11-11 04:14 am (UTC)