Negotiations
Oct. 21st, 2008 10:49 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
jeanvieveI'd been in negotiations with my scale and its failing battery for a few weeks now. Some mornings, the conversation would go something like this as I tried it over and over:
Me: So how much do I weigh?
Scale: OMG, you're totally at your ideal weight! Congratulations! You svelt creature!
Me: ..... you total liar. *step off, back on again* How much do I really weigh?
Scale: Okay, I exaggerated. Really you could stand to lose another 10 lbs. I wasn't going to say anything but.
Me: 10 lbs? Still lying! I didn't give birth last night, so there's no large part of me missing. How much really? *repeat action*
Scale: Well, you're doing very well. I want to applaud you and your dietary choices of late. That opting for salad dressing on the side was good caloric sense.
Me: Oh come on. *off and on again* I don't need this sunshine blown up my ass. You're sweet, but it's really not required. How much for real.
Scale: Surprise! You've lost a fair bit of weight! Have you been working out?
Me: Come ON, you stupid piece of machinery. I'm not buying into your flattery one moment. *off and on*
Scale: (Getting sulky) Well, you could have lost this much weight if you'd been strong and not eaten that fudge.
Me: Please, I really need to get back to work. Just tell me the truth here.
Scale: (Nudges the estimate higher) They say you shouldn't weigh yourself every day you know.
Me: They're totally full of crap. I want the right number and I want it NOW!
Scale: How about this one?
Me: Really?
Scale: Yeah.
Me: *gathering hope* You mean it?
Scale: No really, this is it.
Me: You sure?
Scale: Psych!
I replaced the battery. Our conversations are ended, but the time spent in the bathroom in the morning is greatly diminished. Another half a pound down from when it stopped being reliable.
Just found out my new boss has purchased my loyalty for another 3-6 months by processing my raise to Band 8. He took it upon himself to change the job family from Security Analyst to Project Manager 'in my best interests' because it has a higher pay scale associated. I'm uncertain how I feel about this, but we'll see come raise time next spring.
Me: So how much do I weigh?
Scale: OMG, you're totally at your ideal weight! Congratulations! You svelt creature!
Me: ..... you total liar. *step off, back on again* How much do I really weigh?
Scale: Okay, I exaggerated. Really you could stand to lose another 10 lbs. I wasn't going to say anything but.
Me: 10 lbs? Still lying! I didn't give birth last night, so there's no large part of me missing. How much really? *repeat action*
Scale: Well, you're doing very well. I want to applaud you and your dietary choices of late. That opting for salad dressing on the side was good caloric sense.
Me: Oh come on. *off and on again* I don't need this sunshine blown up my ass. You're sweet, but it's really not required. How much for real.
Scale: Surprise! You've lost a fair bit of weight! Have you been working out?
Me: Come ON, you stupid piece of machinery. I'm not buying into your flattery one moment. *off and on*
Scale: (Getting sulky) Well, you could have lost this much weight if you'd been strong and not eaten that fudge.
Me: Please, I really need to get back to work. Just tell me the truth here.
Scale: (Nudges the estimate higher) They say you shouldn't weigh yourself every day you know.
Me: They're totally full of crap. I want the right number and I want it NOW!
Scale: How about this one?
Me: Really?
Scale: Yeah.
Me: *gathering hope* You mean it?
Scale: No really, this is it.
Me: You sure?
Scale: Psych!
I replaced the battery. Our conversations are ended, but the time spent in the bathroom in the morning is greatly diminished. Another half a pound down from when it stopped being reliable.
Just found out my new boss has purchased my loyalty for another 3-6 months by processing my raise to Band 8. He took it upon himself to change the job family from Security Analyst to Project Manager 'in my best interests' because it has a higher pay scale associated. I'm uncertain how I feel about this, but we'll see come raise time next spring.
