Sep. 20th, 2013

Fantasies

Sep. 20th, 2013 02:32 pm
jeanvieve: (Default)
I've been mocked for having unrealistic fantasies over the years. Even as I mock myself, I still entertain them - because my fantasies are better than other peoples. Sure, that's a value judgement. Let me share what I mean.

When I was working three part-time, horrible schedule, minimum wage, insurance-free jobs to be able to live independently, eat, go to school, buy supplies, and still play SCA and celebrate holidays? I had a fantasy that one day I'd make a six-figure income. My job was going to be awesome. They were going to let me travel the world, entertain myself, and maybe even make the world better. I didn't know what that job was going to be, but I knew that when it came along I'd take it, grab hold with both hands, and be good at it.

My choice of majors did not support this fantasy. Let me tell you about what a music teacher makes in an American school system - bupkis. So I fell in love with health care. (Again, a surprisingly under paid field.) None of the things I thought I wanted to do for a living turned out to get me anywhere near my childhood fantasies, which I kept alive.

Whenever something new or good opened up, I went for it. I tried, I applied, I threw my hat into so many rings that people wondered if I had a hundred heads. It didn't matter to me whether or not I was capable of the thing, the job - only that I was interested, that I was with good people, and most important that I'd learn something. I once turned down a good paying job (EDS) for a slightly less good paying job, because the cheaper place (IBM) was going to teach me more. Best decision ever. Go with the passions.

I believe in fantasies. I believe in the long vision, hard work, sacrifice, and occasional pain you have to go through to make your fantasies come true. I'm not sure how that will translate into me having a boat and a second home of a small cottage on an island in the South Pacific, but I know I'll get there one day. Rain on my parade is only temporary. Life is for the determined, and for the passionate.
jeanvieve: (Default)
Small things matter. I was looped into a list of hockey gals that were all in Green last season, with my ex-team lead asking if we wanted to do classes. Commitment-oriented (pay for 12 weeks in advance), drop-in, stick and shoots, skills classes, anything. Now, this may seem rather small and unimportant. But if you'd asked me for a list of who I thought the best girls were from this last season, they're all on that list. Two of them are now skating Red.

Secret - I'm still shy in my heart, and when I'm doing something new I doubt myself all over the place. Usually that's enough to make me try harder in classic overcompensation. At hockey I was slow to engage everyone in conversation, because with a whole room full of chattering gals that all seemed to know each other, it's hard to just jump in for me. I don't have a lot in common with them outside of hockey.

Sometimes it's enough of a warm feeling to be included in a group of people you admire, people who recognize that you're trying hard to get better at the same things they are. People who share your love and passions. I've read the emails twice now because I'm horribly sentimental, and it makes me smile.

This was illustrated at work too - we had a gal that was new to the team. She was quiet, kept to herself up until we were going to do a team off-site meeting. Deena and I stopped in to say hey, please come. It wouldn't be the same without you, and we really want to get to know you better because you seem cool. That gal blossomed on the spot, and ever after is one I've called friend.

Don't forget to reach out to people, when you're good at things. Try to see when someone else cares too, even if they're quiet or shy or afraid. They'll be glad you did.

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jeanvieve

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